Mitchell says he hasn't been by to see me cause I'm a snob. He says my incredible wealth and house on the coast of Scotland have gone to my head.

Insanity. I am not the kind of person to let my millions of dollars, huge houses, thriving music label, gift of summoning woodland animals, millions of doting fans, calls from the president to do lunch, and free Swiss cinnamon toast by the truck-load go to my gorgeous head.

So upon hearing this from Mitchell after I hired my henchman to summon him to me, I said, NO MORE. No longer will I listen to my "friends" tell me things I have heard so many times before. I do not understand why the American/Canadian/European peasants have such a problem with me and my good fortune.

But I do have one American friend left. Caroline. I shall have to call her sometime soon. Maybe she'd like to accompany me on my trip to my palace in Glasgow. We shall browse my museum of argyle socks and have my maid, Orthlaigh fetch us caviar flavored Gatorade and sit on the solid gold patio furniture her hot Sicilian boyfriend was forced by law to make for me.

Yes. Yes, this sounds like a grand idea.

I feel much better now. I have something to look forward to!

R-O-F-L-M-B-O-W-T-C-O-O-M-E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is by FAR one of THE funniest things I have ever had the pleasure of reading!! Girl, you put pro stand-up comedians to SHAME with this material! OMG, museum of argyle socks, caviar flavored gatorade and forcely-made gold patio furniture by my hot Sicilian boyfriend (love that part btw LOL) HAHA this is pure comedic Gold.

Thank you, Caroline!:) LOL

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